I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Sober January is a disaster.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
