There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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