We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
