My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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