they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
