oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
