I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
