how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
