She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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