I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
