Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
