I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I queefed so loud it echoed.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
What a dumb baby whore.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
