I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
