just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
