I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
