with your own penis?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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