we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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