I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
