but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
