i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
even my farts smell like vagina
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
