took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
