i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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