I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
