Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
