Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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