I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
