found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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