Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
