$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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