Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
