And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
did you just send me my own nude
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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