Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
