Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
