The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
