he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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