Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
