My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Do vagina's smell?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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