i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
