oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
