If that was your dad, he is hot
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
