5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
