My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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