Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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