Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
