Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
