WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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