last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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