remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
