Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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