I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
